Not everyone knows how to deal with breakup pain. Many people lose hope because they think the breakup pain will never end. But it is not true at all. We want to show you ways to overcome breakup pain and get a life without the sadness in your heart.
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How to deal with breakup pain and start a new life
There are moments when love is extinguished. Sometimes there is a betrayal, which can lead to disillusionment or disappointment. The majority of the time, despite the fact that there is still love between the two people, one will come to the realization that it is in everyone’s best interest to end the relationship due to a variety of factors.
Life will carry on after a breakup, but in order to reestablish who you are, it is essential to acknowledge and embrace the stages of mourning that you will experience.
Differences in couples are normal, but sometimes they cannot be overcome.
Differences in couples are inevitable, and it is a reality that, if not managed well, can end in a breakup. Having the occasional conflict does not have to lead to separation.
These can occur at an adaptive level of the couple and, with some effort, putting both on their side, the balance can be recovered. However, there are cases where reconciliation is not possible, and ending a relationship is, as a rule, very hard.
According to the findings of a study that was conducted at the University of Denver by Drs. Sbarra and Borelli and published in 2018 in the Journal of Family Psychology, it was found that:
“When couples do not share their life project, it is likely that, once the initial infatuation phase has passed, it will be difficult for them to remain together. Leaving our commitment to someone generates breakup pain, a dimension that is often difficult to handle. Because you are losing something that you have had and cherished, going through a breakup may be a very difficult event to go through. You will be left with a shared place, a project that has been cut short, and a legacy of memories that you will be responsible for managing in the most effective manner possible”.
Once a couple breaks up, it is necessary to redefine oneself.
Because the brain, emotions, and ideas are still rooted in the (ex-)partner, it is required to redefine a number of basic characteristics after a split. This is something that not everyone does correctly. Nevertheless, it is necessary if you want to learn how to deal with breakup pain.
It is “natural” to feel sad, and this state of being permeates a person, leading to an increase in negative thoughts as well as the continual recall of memories and behaviors from the past. This might make it difficult to detach oneself from a previous romantic partner.
It is not easy to remain objective and powerful at the same time in order to triumph over sadness. Even though we are aware that life continues on, it is difficult for us to accept the idea that we will continue living without our companion.
It is advised that after a relationship has ended, one should immediately begin the mourning process, accept reality, and rearrange their personal, social, and familial lives. Your friends and family can give you many useful tips on how to deal with breakup pain and show you the reality, which isn’t as sad as you think.
Mourning is a psychological process that enables us to become used to the mental and bodily deprivation that has occurred.
Sometimes it starts even before the separation “materializes” since the support of the spouse is no longer present, and idealization is gone. This is the case sometimes, when your (ex) partner dont show any interest in you.
According to Sbarra and Borelli:
“Being able to shape a grief generates a high psychological and emotional benefit. Everyone in their own time and in their own way, will manage to adapt to the new situation, reconstruct the experience, and move on, managing to overcome the breakup. Being able to shape a grief refers to the ability to give a loss a specific form.
Grief is a process that is difficult for the majority of people to go through, and some people find it so challenging that they are unable to adapt to their new circumstances. These people are unable to move on from their pain and anger, and they remain stuck in a place where they are unable to move forward in their lives. If you allow yourself to get frozen in grief, the separation will become damaging, sluggish, and drawn out.”
How to overcome breakup pain
Take the breakup in stride. It is essential to speculate on what happened without ill will, anger, or obstruction in order to move forward and overcome breakup pain.
The intensity of negative feelings will gradually decrease with each passing day, which will make it easier to establish new patterns. It is necessary to bring to a conclusion certain chapters, to give meaning to what has been lived, and to make the conscious decision to move on to a new stage in our lives and overcome breakup pain.
To have a separation that is healthy and productive, despite the difficulty of the situation. The manner in which the routine is carried out will affect the effects that it has on the persons involved, particularly in the case when there are youngsters engaged.
Each person must take on their fair amount of responsibility as well as a new function in the present stage, which includes expressing their discomfort, determining their boundaries, and, most importantly, prohibiting the involvement of any other parties.
In the event that the couple produces offspring, it is essential to keep in mind that they are no longer considered a couple but rather parents. These responsibilities must be honored, and the children should under no circumstances be brought into the fight.
On the other side, it is not suggested to begin a new relationship before one has fully recovered from the prior loss. This is due to the fact that one’s former feelings and improper behaviors may be projected into the new relationship.
Getting through each stage of the grieving process while accepting help can show you how to deal with breakup pain. It is essential that we come to terms with the fact that we will not be able to regain stability and happiness in an extremely short amount of time.
Everyone needs time; in order to move on after a breakup, hurting, feeling empty, and sobbing are unavoidable truths.
It is essential to move through each stage of mourning, allowing one’s feelings to be expressed and allowing the process to run its natural course. We must guard from deceiving ourselves by asserting that “nothing is occurring” or “I don’t care,” when, in reality, it is having an effect on us and this is typical.
When the time comes, we will need to rehabilitate and establish new behaviors and activities in our lives.
Stay strong and resist the urge to turn around and go back. It is appropriate to wait a suitable amount of time before making decisions in order to overcome breakup pain. When the breakup is very recent, we feel vulnerable, therefore it is good to wait.
In cases of family dispute, it may be important to seek professional assistance and psychological counseling or participate in family mediation.
The feeling of being alone might be frightening at times, but it also comes with opportunities for learning and development on a personal level. You can learn how to deal with breakup pain alone and make yourself emotionally strong.
Steps to overcome breakup pain
Adjust our way of thinking. Lauren Howe and Carol Dweck, from Stanford University in the United States, published an article in 2016 that explained how to deal with breakup pain.
After many interviews and sessions with patients in the midst of the grieving process, they realized that seeking social support and meeting people helped to overcome the trauma:
“If we are in company, we will make more plans, have conversations, have fun, meet new people and, in short, open new doors in our lives.”
Remember, even if it’s hard to admit, “life goes on”. Don’t stop after a breakup. We may not feel like doing everything we did before. Physical and easy inactivity leads to negative thoughts, creating vicious circles of distorted thoughts and this prevents us from processing a change in our life, since not everything revolves around our relationship.
In life there are many important elements. We have friends, family, work and, above all, ourselves. Let’s not only focus on what we have lost, let’s value who we are and be grateful for all that we have. This will help us to be in a new vital stage.
And, if we cannot overcome breakup pain by ourselves, seek professional psychological help, where you will be given tools for a new life. It will give you all that energy, strength, and self-confidence to undertake a new life project.
Can a couples therapy teach you how to overcome breakup pain?
Psychologists and other mental health professionals often work with both partners in a romantic relationship as part of a treatment strategy known as couples therapy.
The goal is to strengthen communication and learn to handle problems in a manner that is both healthier and more efficient. To do this, they will provide each member with the necessary skills and resources.
This service is a relatively new phenomena that can be traced back to the first part of the 20th century; nevertheless, it did not become professionalized until the latter half of the same century.
Couples therapy emerged in modern civilizations as a means of providing assistance and guidance to a relationship’s participants in a group setting as opposed to on an individual basis, as was customary up until that point.
The treatment acts as a connecting mechanism that brings together both partners in the relationship.
Why a couple therapy can be helpful to deal with breakup pain
Therapy may be handled from a variety of perspectives, including cognitive-behavioral, systemic, psychoanalytic, and other perspectives, and there are many different ways available.
However, regardless of which one you choose, the overarching goal is always the same: to serve as a connecting link or bridge between the partners in a relationship in order to enhance both the atmosphere and the lines of communication.
When continual pain is felt in a relationship, it is essential to see a professional in the field of psychology. Doing so will prevent the problem from getting worse over time and from hurting the pair in an irreparable manner. This does not mean that married couples will not experience difficulties, that they cannot disagree with one another or that they should not dispute.
On the other hand, a sentimental connection, just like any other kind of relationship, is a living organism that passes through transitions and in which each of the partners develops, sometimes in a different way. This is true for all types of relationships. Therefore, arguments or disagreements do not necessarily result in issues for the marriage.
The nature of the disputes themselves, as well as the frequency, severity, and approach taken to resolving them, are all crucial factors. When there are issues between the two of us as a couple, we frequently believe that if we just put ourselves in the hands of a professional, they will be resolved, and our relationship will go back to the way it was before these challenges emerged.
This may be the case, but we also recognize that we have reached a point when each side has its own wants and demands, and it is not always feasible to bring positions closer together.
The goal of therapy may be to reorient the couple’s relationship or to help them end it in a way that is conscientious, responsible, and as painless as possible. Both of these outcomes are attainable with the help of therapy.
If a couple give up hope in the realationship, a couple therapy can also help to overcome breakup pain together, before it gets absolutely painful. This way both partners have a chance to talk about their emotions and thoughts.
How is a couple therapy carried out?
The work involved in this type of therapy may be very pleasant, but it may also be difficult because it requires a significant act of generosity towards the other party, in which each individual learns to put themselves in the position of the other.
The task of the professional will consist of redefining which are the difficulties that they have since it is typical for them to come to consultation because debates happen regularly; nevertheless, it is unknown what problems are at the root of these conversations.
After the problem or problems have been defined, a set of objectives must be established, with the goal of providing each member with the opportunity to freely express themselves within an atmosphere that is characterized by mutual respect and trust.
From that point on, training in communication, negotiation, and the settlement of conflicts will be conducted in both group and individual settings.
Couples counseling can help us not only become better acquainted with each other on an individual level but also become more functional in the context of current relationship and any future relationships we may have.
