This is what it feels like…

You leap out of bed to the sound of the most guttural scream you’ve ever heard. Your heart thunders in your chest. Your skin pricks and hair stands up. You’re running and falling and crawling, trying to locate the origin of the terror slicing through the stillness of the night. You aren’t getting any closer to the source of the feral cry. Nor has it become more distant. Others are running towards you. Every face bears the same petrified expression. It feels as though the room is littered with mirrors reflecting and distorting visions. Chaos and confusion are the only ones in control.

There are arms and hands grasping you. Voices speaking in tongues that you do not understand. The screaming still hasn’t stopped. You are bewildered. You’re being pulled in a direction that you do not want to go. Back. You want to run. Your legs have disappeared. Bodies embrace you while you try to push against them. Screaming in your head at the screaming that continues! STOP! But it doesn’t stop. The faces before you are as distorted as the ones in the mirror and nothing makes any sense.

You realize you are BACK there. The place you didn’t want to go. Blankets become chains that restrict your movements. Agonizing screams threaten to burst your ear drums, but not one mouth before you is moving.  You surrender in realization. Begging for silence. But silence is an enemy too. It has its own voice. Bellowing questions that cannot be answered to test your sanity. You scream to quiet the silence.

Now you can hear the incessant sound of the clock on the wall. You stare at it with hatred. It’s broken its own hands off, to try and erase the tears on your face.  It’s a charade. You know it’s still counting. You spit in its face. Cursing it for the time it did not gift! Forgetting every moment it had ever offered. The clocks knows it can never give enough.

Suddenly you forget the clock. The blankets of chains and arms and hands and faces and voices and screaming fades. Your focus is on the black and white film, out of focus and with no sound.  It’s broken. Clicking over and over and over on that one damn moment. The last one. The one when the one you  love died. The one when your heart forgot to beat. The one when you took your last breath.

This is what it feels like.

To wake up and realize you’re not having a nightmare.

You’re living it.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HEALING

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In time

The clock will be forgiven

Although it hadn’t done anything

To require forgiveness

In time

The blanket of chains

Will revert to its original state

Providing comfort

In time

The distorted faces and voices

Will be clearly in focus

As those that held you through the pain

In time

The projector will be fixed

Replaying beautiful memories

Forever on repeat with no ending

In time

The voice that betrayed you

Will be familiar once again

Filled with laughter and love

In time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedicated to all those that have had this experience

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31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nicodemas
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 08:41:30

    So wonderfully powerful.

  2. Erika Kind
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 09:16:34

    It is unbelievable what an effect happenings in life can have and we cannot imagine that we ever go beyond it again. You said it perfectly that everything mirrors the nightmare you feel trapped in. The poem is beautiful.💖💖💖
    I read Syl’s post too and I was absolutely flabbergasted. 24 hours ago I wrote my Monday post for next week and it fits so perfectly into both of your posts. That is unbelievable! Much, much love and huge hugs, Sis! 💖💖💖

  3. ksbeth
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 09:52:21

    powerful-

  4. quiall
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 12:33:50

    Powerful words!

  5. Bushka
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 13:07:06

    Must be awful…..Can’t say I’ve been there….thankfully! Hugs! ❤

  6. Andy Smart
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 15:42:34

    Powerful and inspiring! I’m kinda lost for words after reading that. Have a wonderful and amazing weekend 🙂

    • busymindthinking
      Mar 04, 2016 @ 15:49:51

      Thank you for the encouragement about my writing. Usually I write somewhat romantic pieces, so this was a step outside my norm, inspired by many friends here. Have an amazing weekend too! 🙂 🙂

  7. Rising Hawk
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 16:56:24

    Amazing writing – so powerful! Peace . . .

  8. aishwarya148
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 17:12:11

    So gripping and… I was looking for a different word because everyone has already told you how powerful it is… But I can’t replace it… So gripping and powerful 🙂

  9. LionAroundWriting
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 20:12:05

    Wow. You’ve outdone yourself, one of my favourites of yours.
    Powerful, evocative, emotional…so many good things.

    It’s broken its own hands off, to try and erase the tears on your face. < that's fantastic.

    🙂

  10. Tone
    Mar 04, 2016 @ 22:28:44

    wow, this is amazing! Being carried through a living nightmare and then lifted out by the healing hands of the words at the end.

  11. Writing to Freedom
    Mar 05, 2016 @ 17:12:25

    Wow Belinda. Powerful, poignant and helps me be grateful for my life. Thankfully I’ve not been in that dark of a place, but still challenges can feel very overwhelming and you’ve offering a gentle way to embrace them. 🙂

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